Sunday, 21 December 2014

Friendship in the year 2014

I'm going to air a little bit of dirty laundry on the internet in the hopes that some type of psychological explanation will magically fall into my lap.

I don't know what your friendships are like however my friendships fall into two categories: those that reciprocate contact and initiate catch ups and those that don't.

For those friends who reciprocate, where I contact them and they contact me in return, I am thankful. For those that don't contact me and always wait for me to do the contacting I'm confused. I honestly don't understand what is going on or why it's happening.

A little bit of subject research (aka testing) is not beneath me so at the end of last year / the start of this year I contacted a handful of friends that don't contact me and initiated a catch up - even though I was the one who initiated the last x amount of catch ups with them. Then I waited. I wanted to see how long it would take for those people to contact me and initiate a catch up. Come December, 12 months into the year, a couple finally contacted me and said let's catch up while the others. Well, let's just say I'm still waiting.

It's a bit silly, this testing thing I do, because I've lost friendships this way. I tend to do this thing where I'll contact my friends several times in a row - around 3-5 times - then I'll stop, because quite frankly I feel like some crazy, stalker friend vying for their attention. When I stop something interesting happens. These people don't contact me in return and for some of them it's been about 2+ years since I've heard from them. After that amount of time I don't consider it friendship anymore yet these people when they see me will happily wave and ask how I'm doing. While I thinking, if you really cared you'd be in contact, right?

Having spoken to a number of people this seems to be a growing trend. I'm not sure if it's a global thing or a more personal thing as in it relates to certain people only. Perhaps it's me and they don't want to catch up - hey anything is possible - except that if I contact them and say let's catch up they'll say yes. Perhaps, and this is a likely scenario, they're busy with their lives and don't have or make the time. Trouble with that scenario is they magically have time to see other people.

Is it a Facebook thing? It is a situation where because we can see what our friends are up to on Facebook we no longer need to see them to know how they're doing? Is it a case of because we see them regularly on Facebook we become unaware of how long it's been since we saw them in person? I'm not sure. What do you think?

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