|On a date with hubby and too down to smile... :(|
I had been feeling pretty good for a couple of months then all of a sudden, without notice, I came crashing down and haven't been able to shake this mood.
It's how I've always been and as much as I don't like being this way there isn't anything I can do to change who/how I am. I can do as many positive things as I can to try and move through the feeling but I'll never be like those shiny happy people who manage to face the world day in day out.
It's one of the reason I work for myself, because it isn't acceptable (yet) for an employee to ring work and say, "I can't come in today because I'm struggling to get out of bed." We can have migraines, colds, flu, death in the family etc. but we cannot call up and say, "I have depression... can't come in."
My depression gets in the way of friendships, work, my relationship, my children...
Friendships are affected because sometimes I just can't face people, can't face answering the phone, talking to people, seeing people. For the most part I can fake it. I can go out with friends and fake smile and try to laugh at their funny jokes and stories yet inside I'm dying a little from the struggle of having to 'act'.
Work (the home salon) is even harder because my energy affects those who are near me, especially one on one. If I have weeks were I can barely function because I can't crack a smile... this energy will spill out of me and I find I don't get clients when I'm in these moods - surprise surprise! Needless to say it doesn't surprise me my home salon is not thriving... My moods swings can be too extreme for me to function.
It affects my children in that I won't go to their school for interviews or organise play dates if I'm in a mood. And quite often I avoid people simply because they won't understand why I'm suddenly being antisocial and unable to interact with them or be pleasant. Instead I shy away and avoid contact.
It affects my relationship because my husband probably thought he was getting someone 'normal' (what ever that looks like) only to find he has a woman who will mope around for days/weeks and struggle to get out of bed. He has said he wishes I'd get a 'real' job... he thinks that would make me better/less sad/less time to think and be down. If only it were that easy. I remember working outside the house and how torturous it was for me and for those I worked with - when I would be all sad and moody and people would have to deal with my sad moods.
This is why I sell online!!!! I can still be down from behind my computer screen and get the job done. No one needs to see my sad face or feel my sad vibes or even know I have depression. I can still reply to emails and questions and do online things without it affecting my lovely customers. I might struggle to get out of bed but it's rare that I won't get an order done because I feel down, mostly because making products is a flow activity for me which can help with my moods.
Do you have depression? How does it affect your life? How do you deal with your mood swings when they happen?