Me and bread, we're not friends.

Meaning I'm not friends with bread; I cannot bake it to save myself.

The closest I've come is beer bread, though that's a crumbly moist bread and hard to make slices out of .

Other breads I try come out hard as rock and for all my life I've never been able to leave anything to rise.  Nothing has ever risen for me.  I've tried different yeasts and different temperatures of water and different ovens and different cool places to rise.  Nothing.

I've followed recipes and asked those who can bake how they do it and I still can't get a nice plump, fluffy loaf of bread.

How about you?  Do you have a fool proof bread recipe?

Beer bread with olives and 3 dips